Sometimes God Says, "No."

As many of you know, Don and I have been talking about going overseas for a year of extended study after he graduates this May. I was getting very excited about this possibility. Don applied for a Visiting Student position at Oxford and applied for a fellowship that the seminary offers, which would be the funding we'd need to do it.

Well, we found out a couple of weeks ago that Don was not chosen for the fellowship. This was really a blow to me. First of all, as I said, I was really excited and hopeful that my excitement was indicative of God's leading us there. Second, I really didn't entertain the idea that Don would NOT get the fellowship. I mean, I know he's not perfect, but he's very intelligent, had a well thought-out plan, and has always succeeded at what he's done, so I just figured, "We're in like Flynn!" Finally, I thought the timing was right. Brennan's not in school, I'm not pregnant, it would only be a year, etc. etc. But sometimes God shuts the door, sometimes God says, "No."

In fact, I had been praying that very morning about our future. I was wishing that God would just put up a billboard that told us where we to go and what to do. Even as I thought this though, I realized that's not who God is, nor is it who we are. God doesn't want to just dictate - he wants us to be free to choose. And likewise, we desire to make choices for ourselves. It's the discernment process that often gets us. Sometimes we get so caught up in one idea that we miss where God is actually leading and opening doors for options that he knows will be a good fit for us. I'm a person who likes options, so I appreciate all of this; however, I think God misread my prayers that morning when this door closed :0).

In all seriousness, I must be mindful of not getting ahead of God and maybe there was a little of that in this instance. I still feel in my heart that someday we'll go to Europe or somewhere and not just for a vacation. And I think that's something God has placed upon my heart. So instead of this being a "No, never" maybe it's a "No, not right now" and I will have wait and see and discern when the time is right.