The Longest Day...

Four pairs of pajamas, two sets of sheets (one washed twice), three pillows, and one bottle of pedialyte equals the longest day ever. Brennan started throwing up last night around 10:00pm and it didn't end until about 10:00am this morning. Needless to say, by the time I got the two boys in bed tonight I felt like I'd been awake for three days in a row. I'm now sitting and relaxing with Don. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a much shorter day. :0P

Ready for a Change

So the presidential race is over - finally! I'll tell you I was really getting tired of things by the end. But I was excited with the outcome. For a while I was torn about who I was going to vote for. I definitely liked and respected both men. And in either case our country would make history with either the first female VP or the first African American pres. Both very cool. I thought John McCain could bring a lot to the presidency just as he has to the senate for the last three decades. He's experienced, fair-minded, and patriotic among other things. However, I also thought Obama could make a great president, too. He's compassionate, motivated, and goal-oriented among other things.

What it came down to for me, and why I voted for Barack Obama on Tuesday, was that after looking at both candidates' positions on the issues, I realized I agreed on more things with Obama and was excited about a number of the changes he proposes. On some of the social issues, I obviously disagreed with him, but I also disagreed with John McCain on some. And really on a number of the issues, such as immigration, they were very similar in their views and proposals.

I also appreciated that, throughout the campaign, Obama seemed to articulate his plans better and specify what exactly he wanted to do. I felt McCain was a little more vague. So while John McCain's 30 years of experience in the Washington establishment is good and has been a great service to our country, I believe that having someone who has not been entrenched in Washington as long can be a good thing. Someone with some fresh approaches and a willingness to do things a little differently. My wish now is that no matter who we all voted for, the divisions of the parties can come together and work with our new president to make this country - our country - the one that we all hope for.

Being a Mom of Two...

...is freakin' hard! Not that I expected a walk in the park, but seriously it's A LOT. Of course, I'm enjoying being at home with my boys, but it's quite convenient how you forget what it's like to have an infant (I believe this memory relapse is the only way people have more than one) and top that with a 2-1/2 year old who has just recently decided to enact his two-year-old tantrum rights and you have simply, mayhem.

OK, not all the time. But it gets a little crazy on those days when everything happens at once. I need to remember that Aidan is only 6 weeks and we are still in "survival mode" as I dub the first three months. So things will get better and I will find the time to eat, bathe, and clean the house, right?

*Disclaimer: The third child above is not mine...that cutie (Ella) belongs to my girlfriend Kate, who is also a newly minted "mom of two".

Veggie Monster? C'mon!

(Copyright 2008: ally.escapist.nu/cookiemonster/)

So I heard that the geniuses at Sesame Street are thinking of making a change: turning Cookie Monster into Veggie Monster in response to the childhood obesity epidemic. Now, in my research on Google and even on Sesame Street's website, I didn't turn up any concrete evidence confirming this and in fact only found information saying the rumors are not true (and have actually been around since 2006). It makes me very happy that no change has been made.

First of all, cookie monster has been a cultural icon for so many children since the late 1960's. Second, as I recall from my own childhood, Cookie Monster ate more than just cookies. In fact, he'd eat just about anything within his fuzzy, blue arm's length including fruit, vegetables, meat, letters, salt and pepper shakers, etc. Third, as my friend Darren pointed out, whenever he ate cookies, most of the goody went flying around him and didn't even get in his mouth, and many times he'd have milk with them. But most important, doesn't the fight against childhood obesity truly rest with the most influential people in a child's life - that is, the parents?

I won't deny that snack companies and the fast food industry prey on the sweet-tooth cravings of our kids and so it's good, to some extent, that they're being called to a higher level of responsibility, but really who is the most responsible? Parents. We can't shirk our responsibility nor can we rely on culture to help our kids know what healthy foods are and to eat healthy portions and to have healthy limits on sweets. We have to tell that to our kids, and more importantly model it for them.

So it's good that Sesame Street isn't making any crazy changes regarding the googly-eyed monster we all adore. Change needs to take place at home and I'll tell you, in our house, the Strawberry Monster definitely works for Brennan (especially when it's his dad).

Wow! A New Record!

So it seems that I was averaging a blog post about once a month, but now I've gone above and beyond in my posting skills (or lack thereof) and am posting TWO months after my last post. Kudos to me, right?.....

Okay, maybe not. But trust me, if I posted every time I thought about something funny or wry or just plain ordinary, then there'd be a ton on here. Problem is I have a two year-old and unlike some "supermoms," I have yet to find a good balance between writing and taking care of him, oh and then cleaning (both the house or myself), running errands, doing something fun, yadda yadda. So, try as I might, the blog falls to the way side until a good friend points out that I haven't posted in many moons, or my own inner conscience demands that I sit down for two minutes to write something. As it is, it's 11:00pm right now and I really need to go to bed.

So, you'll have to wait until my next post to hear about Brennan's most recent funny sayings, our trip to CO, or our first trip to the ER for Brennan (don't worry there was no real damage). If you're intrigued enough, hopefully you'll come back and check to see if I've posted before August :0).

P.S. This is Brennan's "Risky Business" pose. Just like blogging seems like risky business to me lately...is the connection there? I'm grasping folks, work with me :0P

Going It Alone

So I am officially on a "break." Well, for about another 18 hours. I'm currently sitting at a bed and breakfast not far from our house. After a very stress-filled last few weeks and just feeling a bit weary the last month and a half, I finally declared to Don that I was feeling burned out and needed a break. A true break. Not just an hour or two by myself or the three of us together, but actually leaving them and spending some time alone.

So my wonderful husband got the idea and booked me an evening at a very affordable local bed and breakfast and took Brennan for most of the day today and all day tomorrow. We also did squeeze in a little dinner date tonight by the generosity of some friends who took Brennan for a couple of hours.

So after an early baby doc appointment this morning and my MOPS meeting, I was on my own. I told a couple people about my solo adventure and they all asked, "So what are you going to do?" And I realized that I had no clue. It's been so long since I've truly been alone, no little one tagging along, no husband hanging on my every word :0), not even the cat twisting around my legs to get some attention. Alone.

So I began by grabbing myself a bite to eat, then browsed in Old Navy for baby and mommy clothes, then wandered over to Barnes and Noble and got caught up in the latest issue of People magazine. None of these seem like very astounding or magnificent activities, but it was wonderful to be able to do it. Sometimes it's the simple things that are most appreciated.

This evening I've been relaxing here at the B&B, chatting up the proprieter, and now doing some writing (yes, I realize it's been almost two months but, as I said, craziness). After breakfast (being made for ME), I'll do some reading/devotions and just spend some time in prayer before checking out. This is the other thing that I've been longing for. Time alone...with God.

Yes, I know I can have that when Brennan's napping, but when no one has any undergarments to wear, the dishes are going on strike from not being cleaned, and the dust bunnies are taking up permanent residence on the couch to watch TV, my mind gets preoccupied.

So this time away is also time with. Time with the one who I've been missing a lot lately and feeling drawn in to spend that quality time together. Time with the God's living word. Time with God's presence. As it says in Ecclesiastes, "there's a time for everything under heaven." Well, this is now my time.

I Hate Being Sick!

Well, I've been sick for the last three days now, and I mean really sick. Everything aches, I get tired walking from the top floor to the bottom, Brennan feels about ten times heavier to me, coughing, sneezing, etc. etc. I really hate being sick and also being pregnant (i.e. can't take any drugs to help), having to keep track of an energetic toddler (i.e. "Let's watch the Elmo again, Brennan."), and trying to keep the house somewhat clean (i.e. I guess I really should wipe up the apple juice that was spilled on the floor...).

But through all of this, I've been thinking about today, Ash Wednesday. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to make our church's Ash Wednesday service, which stinks because Don is leading it and it sounds like it will be powerful. Our church is focusing on service through this time of Lent. About going out. So as I've thought about what to give up - maybe chocolate again (although this never works with Valentine's Day and my birthday in there), TV, beets? - I realize one of the best things I can give up, or rather give, is my time. Time is precious to all of us and I realize all to often that I don't give enough of it to God. Be it in devotions, service, volunteering, whatever. So many times, I say, "I just don't have time for that", when in reality I know I have the time if I make the time.

So that's what I'm going to do this Lent. I'm going to give my time - even if it's a half hour - and see how God works.

Just Plain Sad

So yes, I've also heard the news of Heath Ledger's untimely death. When Don told me I was shocked and said how awful it was. Initially Don attributed me saying this because he was an actor. While "10 Things I Hate About You" is one of my favorite movies and I've always appreciated his acting mettle, really, it's sad because he was young, seemingly healthy, and left behind a beautiful two-year-old daughter. It's sad when anyone, actor or not, dies at such an age when life is supposed to be just beginning.

And what REALLY is sad is the following quote that I took from an MSN article:

"Outside the Manhattan building on an upscale street, paparazzi and gawkers gathered, and several police officers put up barricades to control the crowd of about 300. Onlookers craned their necks as officers brought out a black body bag on a gurney, took it across the sidewalk and put it into a medical examiner's office van.

As the door opened, bystanders snapped pictures with camera phones, rolled video and said, "He's coming out!""

This is ridiculous and disgusting. It's bad enough that paparazzi dog these people when they're alive, but to have people screaming and taking pictures as a gurney is rolled out bearing his dead body?! Get a grip! I remember my brother, who lives in this same NYC neighborhood, telling me how he saw Heath Ledger at the laundromat one day and how cool he was. This was a man, plain and simple, and to have his death denigrated and made to be some circus show is just plain sad.

I guess I should grab my camera when I head to my next funeral.

Wild Kingdom

Okay, maybe my friend Heidi is rubbing off on me. We used to frequently go for walks in the mornings at Princeton along a pretty canal that ran behind our apartment buildings, both for the exercise and the fellowship (something I dearly miss). And it would never fail that at some point during our walk she'd see some woodland creature. A bird, deer, fox, snake, turtle. It was as if they came out just to say "Hi" to her. I used to call her Dancing Cloud.

So I just looked into my backyard and I was astounded by the amount of birds I saw. There were four blue jays, two woodpeckers, and - I'm not even kidding you - 30 robins. Now trust me, spring is no where near here. It's currently 18 degrees out, but it feels like 4. So why they're all flying around and chirping all over the place has got me, but it was a welcome sight and a pleasant reminder of a great friend. I believe I can call myself Running Water now.

Sisterhood

So I stayed up late the other night (even though I know I shouldn't have) watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It's based on a book, which I have not read, but if the movie is any indication the book must be really good. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie, it's basically about a group of four girlfriends - one of whom is named Bridget, funny! - who are going to be apart for the first time over a summer and how a pair of jeans knits them all together (pun intended :0).

Now it could be because it was late, it could be because my hormones are out of whack, but I found myself crying a few times over as I watched. When I thought about it the next day, I think what really got me was the girls' deep friendships and it made me think of how I have been immensely blessed with wonderful female friendships throughout the phases of my own life. High school, college, seminary. They all brought me friendships that I cherish to this day. And I think that has been one of the hardest things moving to Ohio - I simply miss them.

But my comfort is this. If a pair of pants can keep friends together, how much more can God keep us together - me and my friends. Our friendships are based on a foundation that will not give way. A foundation that is solid, true, and deep. So for all of my beloved friends reading this post, this is why I know that even though miles separate us, our friendships will stand the test of time. And for me, that is enough right now.

P.S. FYI, there's a "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2" coming out. Hmmm....those must be some pants. I gotta get me a pair.

New Year; New Look!

Well, I've decided to freshen up my blog a bit and give it a new look to celebrate this new year. A little simpler looking, a little more color, and a little more...more. Don helped me with the sidebars and other fun stuff. I'll add some more things with his assistance soon, and yes, I do plan on blogging regularly. I won't call it a New Year's resolution, let's just say I'm making some changes. :0)

Christmas in Florida

Well, Nano WriMo has long since come and gone. Some of you may be wondering how I did. If I made it to the 50,000-word mark. If I'm currently signing a contract for a book deal. Well, I had a total of 356 words...or less, I can't quite remember, but that was about it. Oh well, so my bestseller won't come out now.

We're now in Florida spending Christmas in the sunshine with my mom (aka Grandma Kathy). We got here yesterday and will be here until Jan. 3. We're looking forward to seeing some sights including Sea World, Downtown Disney, Universal Citywalk and some other Orlando sights.

I hope that your Christmas and New Year's holidays are full of joy as you celebrate with family and friends.

Bidgette's Month of November

Yes, aside from Thanksgiving and Christmas preparations, I've decided to participate in National Novel Writing Month - NaNoWriMo for short. I am super excited! I've been wanting something for awhile that would help kick-start my writing and get me motivated to simply...write. And this is it! The basic idea is that you write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. This is an average of 1,667 words per day - whoa! I know it sounds nuts, but I'm totally into it and think it's just what I need right now. There's no editing or proofing (which will be hard for me) of what you write, you just write.

You can check out the website via the link to the right. You may be able to access my novel, but I'm not sure how that goes. Maybe I have to give permission? Well, if you are interested in reading along as I write and offering moral support, let me know and I'll see what I need to do.

As an aside, I totally realize that it's been two and a half months since my last post :0( (this seems to be a pattern), but I offer no excuses - even though I can list a bunch. I figure the photo blog is the more important one to keep up with since everyone wants to see pictures. But I'm going to try harder throughout this month...in between my 50,000 words. :0)

Settling In & Traveling Around

Well, Don has been giving me a lot of grief about updating my blog...and yes, I will say it, he was right. :0) I've been woefully lax in keeping this updated since we've moved to Ohio. Needless to say, it's been a busy last month. So let me give you the lowdown on what's been happening.

We got here on June 27 and our movers arrived the next day. After spending that week trying to get everything we needed unpacked and then getting some other things in order, we had our very first guests, our good friends Jenn, Brad and little Paige came and stayed (and Brennan adored having a playmate his age). The next week my dad came and stayed for an extended weekend and it was great having him see our new home. Finally, we had an old Bel Air Pres. alum, Rourke, stop in for an overnight stay.

Here are our visitors:




Brennan enjoying his new favorite toy from Grandpa!

Hitting the ball for the first time.

A "nice" game of Carcasonne.


All this while still trying to settle in and preparing for Don's ordination on July 22 in Los Angeles. We headed out to L.A. on the 18th. The ordination service was beautiful and we had so many people there that were dear to us. It meant a lot to have friends and family celebrating the end of the seminary journey with us since they were there for the beginning. Don could only stay for the weekend, but Brennan & I stayed for a week longer. We had a great time and got to hang out with lots of people. We returned to Ohio last Tues and then two days later I was on my way to NY for a baby shower and to spend time with some of the six-pack. Good times...good times... :0). I got back late Saturday and so now am back to house stuff. And somewhere in all of this I finished the 6th Harry Potter book - I just have one word for it - AWESOME!! (Dave, Lindsey, we definitely need to talk soon :0).
Now on to some pensees (thoughts en francais, ask Pascal).

I love to travel. I wish actually that I could travel more, but babies; although small in size, still aren't the most portable considering all the gear that goes along with them and the fact that they have their own schedule to adhere to. I learned this partially in L.A. being by myself with Brennan for a week. It was definitely great fun and ended up being better than I thought. I was nervous because it was the first time I would be alone with Brennan for that long, but it all just flowed. Once we got home, I had to get ready for my solo trip to Dryden, NY. This was fun because I had some alone time. The radio/CD player was my companion. Let me tell you, there are funny things on the radio. The first thing I heard was a DJ say you're listening to blah-blah channel, the "family-friendly station." Now, I've been hearing this phrase used a lot, but never heard it followed up by Prince. I didn't realize he and family-friendly went together. This gave me a laugh. The second funny thing I hear as I'm driving was on a country station that came up as I was scanning. Someone crooning "...and all the trucks were broke..." (I kid you not).

At any rate, even though I was sad to leave L.A. and my friends in NY, even though I like going away somewhere, it's also nice to come home. Especially now, when we just got brand new flooring and carpeting and we can begin to finally paint and then hang things up on the wall. We're still in the fun decorating/furnishing part (especially for the two empty rooms). Too bad when you buy a house, no one gives you $10,000 Home Depot gift cards.

P.S. I'll add some L.A. and NY pics on the next post.

Happy Birthday to My Wonderful Husband...And to My Sister, Too!

Today is Don's birthday - 29 years he has been on this earth. For the last eight, I have been here to celebrate his birthdays with him. I can't tell you enough how blessed I am to have Don as a husband. Truly, he is one of the best men I know. He loves the Lord, he's thoughtful, energetic, a great father, talented, smart, fun-loving, always has a smile on his face or a joke to say, is easy on the eyes, and so much more.

So happy birthday to you, Don. Brennan and I love you so much and we hope this next year brings many more exciting, fun and sweet times for you. We look forward to sharing it all with you.





...And a happy birthday to Debbie, my sister. She also celebrates today and I am equally blessed to know a woman who is always positive, sacrificial, funny, strong, honest, easy to talk to, and one who whole-heartedly loves God. I guess she's easy on the eyes too :0). She's someone I've looked up to through the years and will continue to do so. I remember talking late into the night about our future children and husbands, how we wouldn't be pastor's wives...:0) Now we're watching our children grow up together as we did. I'm so glad you're in my life, Deb. Happy birthday - I hope your day was great and that this next year brings more sunshine, smiling kid faces, little debbie peanut butter logs, and more.

Subway Stinks!...and "Tasty"

Okay, so I didn't bring my lunch to work today and I was figuring out where I wanted to go. I thought "Oooo, Subway, I haven't been there in a while." So I got my usual, a turkey breast on whole wheat. How disappointing...

...In the days of my youth, I remember when Subway first opened up in my hometown. It was quite exciting and everyone - including me - thought their sandwiches were great. That was before Quiznos came on the scene with their toasting and their sassy sandwiches (Turkey Bacon Guac.) and their talking mice with deformed faces singing and telling us to "Eat Quiznos Subs!" This was also before I discovered Wegman's joint effort with DiBello's which produced subs that were awesome in every way (if you haven't had one before make for the nearest Wegmans Market Fair when you are next on the East coast). And so I hadn't had Subway in a long time, but thought I'd give them another chance to win my heart back...

...only to receive a sandwich that had four - yes, count them four - slices of turkey you could hardly see in the bread, let alone have a mouthful of turkey with your bread and lettuce. They have begun offering to toast your sandwich (a la Quiznos), but it doesn't help much. So unfortunately, Subway, I believe we need to part ways. But it was good while it lasted.

On another note, Brennan said a new word today, "tasty." It's so cute because he gives a lot of emphasis on the first syllable, so it's like "tayys-tee." You'll have to hear him sometime. Too bad he wasn't referring to Subway.

Lessons from Lost

So I was watching Lost last week and the episode (Spoiler alert! Don't read further if you're behind on your viewing!) was about Sun and her pregnancy. They delved further into her and Jin's back story beginning with the fact that although he did work for her father, it was not originally as one of his goons, but as one of the factory people. A strange woman was blackmailing Sun for an obscene amount of money or else she would tell people that Jin's mother had been a prostitute, thus bringing shame upon him. Sun visited Jin's father to talk about this and he begged her not to tell Jin.

So.....Sun decides she needs to pay the lady off and goes to her father to ask for money. She knows her father has a "side" business and he tells her that if she takes this money, then Jin is beholden to him - meaning he needs to begin a life of thuggery. Jin then becomes a man she despises as he grows colder and meaner from doing her dad's bidding. It's at this point that she finds solace in another man's arms and plans to leave Jin. Only she gets on the plane too, the plane crashes on the island, it's discovered she's pregnant and the baby can't be Jin's because he's impotent. Whoa!

From previous episodes, it was thought that Jin had worked for her dad right from the get-go; we now discover that in fact it was Sun's doing. Jin turns, in many ways, into her father all because of this web of deceit and unwillingness for anyone, let alone Sun, to tell the truth.

As I was watching all of this unfold, I was just thinking that if at any one point during this journey, the truth was told and dealt with that it would stop the rest of the events from happening. Instead we moved from one intrigue to another, one secret to another, one lie to another. All of this begets suffering, bitterness, anger and pain. Sure telling the truth can also be painful - at first. Once things are brought to light, darkness has no control over it anymore. It's only when things are left in darkness that you lose control and people get hurt.

This is a lesson for everyone, I think. When one secret or lie is told to cover up another, it only makes things worse and it takes a bigger secret or lie to cover up the last one, and then a bigger one to cover that up, etc. etc. It gets to be a vicious cycle and one that never ends well.

So there you have it. Who said Lost was just about a bunch of good-looking people stranded on an exotic island with crazy 'other' people and an acorporeal beasty running about? It's also educational.

Photo: ©ABC

Beginning Again...

Well, it's been almost two months since I've posted last - yikes! It just goes to show how fast time can go. Things have been really crazy this semester, and so my blog has suffered neglect when the baby needed feeding, the dishes needed cleaning, the cat needed petting, and Don needed to finish his studies. Graduation is almost upon us now, so I'm beginning to blog again...stay tuned...

Until We Meet Again, Grandma Mary...

My last blood grandparent passed away about two weeks ago. It's a bit odd because I feel like it was also the passing of her generation in my family. I always thought my Grandma Mary (my dad's mom) was a really special woman and that she'd always be around. But then aren't most grandparents special and don't we always take our time with them for granted?

Brennan and I drove up to Syracuse, sans Don, the Wednesday before last. It was a full, difficult, emotionally and physically draining time, but through it all I could sense God's presence and peace. My grandmother did not have the easiest life growing up. From the little I know, she never really had a close relationship with her mother, Louise, but she did form a good relationship with her grandmother, Dora Brown. Her father, Norm Lukins, passed away when she was fairly young and her grandmother raised her.

As a little girl, she adored animals - even her pet goat (hello, it was the 30's and 40's). Many of the old pictures that were on display at her service showed her animals or her smiling cherubic face as she was doing something active on what looked like farmland of some sort. This penchant for pawed critters continued on until her death. There were always animals in Grandma Mary and Grandpa Jack's house: Suki, Yaki, Jinx, Sasha, Shiloh, Kelly, the cockatoo (Icharis was one, I think?), and on and on. You can imagine how fun then, it was for a little girl to visit. It was like my own personal petting zoo.

My grandmother was also very creative and talented (no, I don't know where my crafty gene went). She was a great cook, she sewed, she tended her yard. But she was especially good with ceramics. She had a kiln in her basement and a whole trove of white statuettes lined on shelves, waiting to be brought to life with paint and glaze. Going down there when I was younger was like wading through an unfinished museum exhibit. I remember she would have me pick one out and then we'd start the work of breathing life into the piece. After most weekends, I came home with something to give my mom and my grandmother always told me how great it looked (one of the few instances where she didn't "tell it like it is." :0).

Grandma Mary was also a stubborn woman. She was staunch in her opinions and she didn't mind telling you. Once. Twice. As many times as you'd bear to listen. And she always told you what was on her mind. However, she also listened. I remember many a summer afternoon or evening sitting on the front porch and watching the traffic go by. I would usually be eating a fudgsicle (she always hand those on hand - those and bananas and Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch, as my cousin reminded me) and telling her all the details of my life. Not once did she ever seem impatient or wanting to get away from me.

In the last few years my grandma's health was declining. She had a breast removed due to cancer, a leg partially amputated due to diabetes, and her usually quick-wit and reliable memory were failing her due to dementia. It was hard to see a woman so robust in mind and body move into a wheel chair and I think this was harder for her. But as my uncle reminded us at her service, she ALWAYS knew who my grandpa was. After 43 years of marriage, she knew when she called, "Jack," that he would be there in a moment. This, to me, is also a testament of enduring love. Love that's not fickle or flimsy, but love that stands the test of time, rolls with the punches, and is comfortable. Constant. Strong. Love that was exemplary for her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

She was also a woman of faith. Not faith in God (that came later), but faith in her family, friends, and probably her pets too. At one point in her life she became a Jehovah's Witness. Now I don't profess to know all of their doctrine, but I do know it differs from Christianity in some big ways (trinity, soul, work of Christ). Her and my dad would often have discussions about this and so when she died it seemed this discussion was unresolved and this was a huge part of our sadness. We knew she had gone to a church service on that Sunday morning. So it was my hope that God may have spoken to her at that service.

Praise God because the next day, my cousin informed me that it was there that she asked for forgiveness and accepted Christ into her heart. I believe that during these last hours of her life here, that her mind was opened and God spoke to her heart. God's grace is truly amazing and his mercies are new every morning. That's how faithful God is to us. This knowledge brought a whole new dimension to honoring my grandmother at her services and it turned our "mourning into gladness."

I remember my Grandma as an energetic, funny, and sassy woman who I always enjoyed spending time with and actually looked forward to going to see. I will miss her dearly. I do miss her dearly, but it's nice to know that it's not good-bye.

"Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul."

-Psalm 143: 7-8

Sometimes God Says, "No."

As many of you know, Don and I have been talking about going overseas for a year of extended study after he graduates this May. I was getting very excited about this possibility. Don applied for a Visiting Student position at Oxford and applied for a fellowship that the seminary offers, which would be the funding we'd need to do it.

Well, we found out a couple of weeks ago that Don was not chosen for the fellowship. This was really a blow to me. First of all, as I said, I was really excited and hopeful that my excitement was indicative of God's leading us there. Second, I really didn't entertain the idea that Don would NOT get the fellowship. I mean, I know he's not perfect, but he's very intelligent, had a well thought-out plan, and has always succeeded at what he's done, so I just figured, "We're in like Flynn!" Finally, I thought the timing was right. Brennan's not in school, I'm not pregnant, it would only be a year, etc. etc. But sometimes God shuts the door, sometimes God says, "No."

In fact, I had been praying that very morning about our future. I was wishing that God would just put up a billboard that told us where we to go and what to do. Even as I thought this though, I realized that's not who God is, nor is it who we are. God doesn't want to just dictate - he wants us to be free to choose. And likewise, we desire to make choices for ourselves. It's the discernment process that often gets us. Sometimes we get so caught up in one idea that we miss where God is actually leading and opening doors for options that he knows will be a good fit for us. I'm a person who likes options, so I appreciate all of this; however, I think God misread my prayers that morning when this door closed :0).

In all seriousness, I must be mindful of not getting ahead of God and maybe there was a little of that in this instance. I still feel in my heart that someday we'll go to Europe or somewhere and not just for a vacation. And I think that's something God has placed upon my heart. So instead of this being a "No, never" maybe it's a "No, not right now" and I will have wait and see and discern when the time is right.